Home » I Hate Dogs » Would they want to be a dog?

Would they want to be a dog?

by Dimitrios on 19 February 2012

One of the things that infuriates me about dogs is how much they are loved by others. There are a few other animals I loath, black widow spiders, for one, but have no inclination to seek “I hate black widow spider” sites. It’s the mindless ignorant fawning over dogs by their fans that adds fuel to my dog hate fire. “Yes, four legs are better than two.” “Anyone who really wants to live the good life these days has to grow a tail.” “My favorite child has four legs and fur”. “We can learn a lot from dogs”. “Dogs are smarter than most people.” “Dogs are angels sent from Heaven.” “Dogs give uncondtional love”. I just want to scream at these fools, “How can you read all that stuff into a butt-snffing, turd-eating, walnut brained, clueless, amoral, biting, barking, instinct driven pack animal, you self-flattering, delusional dog cultist??!

As I calm down, another approach might be better. A bluff call. If these people admire dogs so damn much, if they are envious of its wagging tail, its live for the moment mentality, its furry body, its “forgiving” and “loyal” nature, would they want to BE a dog? Would they want to sprout a tail, walk on all fours, have their cranium shrink, their tongue loll, their expression become dorky and glazed, their muzzle slobbering over anyone who balances a biscuit on their nose? Would they enjoy being neutered, leashed, goo-talked, and groped by every stranger that sees them? Would they like to stick their nose into every butt they encounter, and pee and poop in public? Would dying of old age at around 14 appeal to them? What about being illiterate and speechless? Next time a dog lover raves about dogs, ask them if they would like to become one. They can convert to Hinduism and pray they get reincarnated as a dog.

{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }

Dimitrios February 19, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Oops, typos. I meant “loathe”. At the moment I can’t edit it.

Roses February 20, 2012 at 8:39 am

Saying that all Hindus believe in being reincarnated as animals, is the same as saying all Christians don’t practice birth control.

Imagine coming across on a site these words – “Oh, well then they can just become a Catholic and start popping out babies every time they have sex.” People in Africa don’t practice birth control because they believe that is what it means to be Christian (The Pope has also said birth control is immoral).

I am not a Hindu, nor am I personally offended or feel anything by your remarks. Yes, some Hindus believe in animal reincarnation, and even want to be animals, just like some Christians want to not practice birth control or modern medicine (there are American churches like this occupied by the people you publicly commute with, check it out if you don’t know).

But, I had to point this out, thanks.

Roses February 20, 2012 at 8:46 am

I have to point out, I am not a Christian either nor follow any Judaic faith, and also –

Many Indians (many of whom follow one of the many interpretations of Hinduism) do not like dogs at all. In fact, in USA, many Indians dislike dogs intensely and do not keep them.

The people I know who have dogs in the US, are all whites following one of the Judaic faiths, and believe me I know lots of Indians (seeing I am one of them myself).

Even in India, where I lived, only the rich had the time to really care about dogs, and that too because they were copying Americans. Traditional Indians have no place for dogs in their homes.

Sure, dogs roam a bit too freely in some areas, but they are strays with no owners and the only reason they are not put down is because of the Americanized PETA presence there.

KaD February 20, 2012 at 9:32 am

Actually, Africans don’t use birth control because it’s not available; due primarily from the catholic church putting pressure on our government to not provide it.

KaD February 20, 2012 at 9:34 am

I believe many people think they would rather be a dog because they lay around the house all day and have their needs met without having to do anything. Foot loose and fancy free as the saying goes; unlike their owners who drag their sorry asses to a job every day to pay for the dog food, toys, vet bills, etc.

Dimitrios February 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Roses, I only meant that Hinduism is the religion to be if you want to come back as an animal. Transmigration of the soul is a major tenent of this faith, even if not every Indian/Hindu believes it.

AnotherOpinion March 3, 2012 at 11:46 pm

In response to the religious/cultural issue–many societies around the world find dogs unclean. Typically certain allowances are made for working animals that serve humans as guards of flocks, etc. that aren’t made for other dogs in those cultures. This does make sense. Though as far as dogs belonging to “Judaic” faiths, by which I assume you mean Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam)… Islam deems dogs to be unclean creatures, and I’m fairly certain Judaism is a bit less than enthusiastic about their cleanliness as well. Even in Christian cultures, it’s only been in the past generation or two that the really annoying brands of dog ownership have become particularly common or widespread.

I don’t completely belong here, because I like some dogs very much. But only some. I think at least 90% of people who have them shouldn’t, and most of the breeds out there shouldn’t exist–at least not anymore. Some of those breed types can’t even reproduce without human intervention anymore. I find most of the breeds that are supposed to be “cute” rather ugly. Beauty in a domesticated animal should be tied directly–and solely–to its utility. Fawning, slobbery, needlessly tiny, etc. dogs annoy me.

Dogs should have a verifiable use that is helpful to human life. This would include shepherd dogs (both for the movement of flocks/herds and their protection), some hunting dogs like anti-vermin dogs and those that are used in supporting their owner’s livelihood, etc. This also includes highly-trained dogs that function as guides for the blind, military dogs, etc.

Pet dogs can be okay–provided those dogs are trained using methods based on classical conditioning and are treated as dogs, not surrogate children. I enjoy training animals–cats as much as dogs. The reason to have a dog is for it to work for you, or because you derive enjoyment from training it to do things. That’s their main appeal for me–I would just as soon train a rat or a cat or a horse or whatever else. Animal behavior in general interests me, and sometimes it does provide flashes of insight into human behavior. I guess from some shared mammalian ancestor. But at the same time, dogs have disgusting habits sometimes simply because–they are animals. Human ideas of cleanliness never enter their heads, though if a dog owner wants to be kind to others and not lose their backyard to feces, they’re not that hard to train to defecate in specific areas–even into boxes like cats.

Still–if I were to be reincarnated as an animal, I suppose being a dog protecting a flock of sheep wouldn’t be half bad compared to many of the other options. Being a dog belonging to someone who trains it seriously might also be decent, if it was a type of dog that has a reason to exist in the first place.

The people who have dogs just because it’s “the thing to do” bother me, because it ends up with -nobody- and -nothing- happy. They hate their dog (or are blind to its ill behavior), their neighbors hate their dog, and their neurotic, barking, biting, house-shredding dog is a bundle of energy that has no outlet. In today’s world, I think dog ownership should be about as common as horse ownership. Something that’s not unheard of, but also not for everyone and people recognize that with horses. Unfortunately not with dogs.

Roses March 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Thanks, you are right, I should have mentioned that many Muslims don’t like dogs at home, only as watch dogs.

I am sure a love or lack of love for dogs is not explicitly referred to as good or bad, in most of the old books of traditional faiths, Judaic or other.

But, my point was, and Dimitrios acknowledged it, is that a belief in reincarnation/rebirth does not automatically mean a belief in animal reincarnation. And I do indeed see many Americans, following Christianity and other faiths, who like dogs, more in the US than I see Indian Hindus who love dogs in this country. But, I am sure it is cultural as opposed to religious – it probably has nothing whatsoever to do with what’s written in a book/scripture.

Roses March 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Belief in reincarnation may not equal belief in being reborn as an animal, for all people. That was my point, but I can understand yours now too. There are many Hindus and others who follow eastern faiths, who believe humans are only reborn as humans.

Ihatecats March 14, 2012 at 7:39 am

Actually no cats are like that because my dog loves to go walking,helps me find stuff and plays with toys those are actually cats because you give them food they run away then come back for shelter at night because they use you,they scratch you,everything you honestly haven’t had a dog you’ve only been believing fake shit from other people you just judge who haven’t experienced stupid literally you should get a dog right now because some of them help blind people,they help kids,they help cops so don’t you ever say dogs are lazy without owning a dog!

Toby March 14, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Dogs that help blind people are trained via operant conditioning. These dogs couldn’t care less about blind people. Dogs don’t actively seek out careers in helping the disabled, they have to be indoctrinated into the task as puppies. Dogs can just as easily be trained to attack people.

James March 16, 2012 at 8:36 pm

They don’t lie around the house all day. They do get up to eat(many are fat pieces of overfed, underexercised pieces of shit, like their keepers), drink from their water bowls(the plastic one their owner bought for them, or the porcelain one in the bathroom), fight with other dogs or pets, vandalize the house by chewing things up, kocking things over, geting into the garbage; pissing, shitting, diarhearing. Many, like delinquent brats, roam around the neighborhood, alone or in packs(canine gangs), killing, maiming people and animals, pissing, shittng, barking, vandalizing property.

James March 16, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Celts believed that people could be reincarnated as trees. Hopefully, that would not be as a tree in some canine infested area like Brooklyn.

Alicia March 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Wow I just found you guys by mistake. I just told my dog story a few minutes ago on an earlier post. What I can say is I bet some of these dogs are better neighbors than some of you. And believe me, I support your right to your opinions.

Dimitrios March 23, 2012 at 10:14 am

Dogs are better neighbors, huh? Neighbors that don’t pay rent, or mortgages, or utilities, or property taxes. Neighbors that poop on other people’s lawns? Neighbors that can’t loan you a cup of sugar or a tool? Neighbors that won’t call the police or an ambulance if they haven’t seen you in days? Hey dog fool, if dogs were the only life forms next door, they’d destroy the house or apartment. It would be a chewed up filthy shit pile mess in a few days.

Paul March 23, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Dogs aren’t neighbors. Dogs are property. Saying dogs make better neighbors than some of us is like saying the mailbox makes a better neighbor than us. Mailboxes are better than dogs; at least a mailbox has a purpose.

Dimitrios April 1, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I had had a knee jerk thought, when I thought of people being reborn as animals, I thought of Hinduism, even though the faith is more complex than that.. An over-simplified view; I was feeling sarcastic when I wrote about calling the bluff of dog lovers who think everything about a dog is sooo great. 😉

Aquaria April 2, 2012 at 5:33 am

I don’t need my cats to go walking with me. I’m not so desperate for company that I need them to cling and slobber on me all the time or follow me like a slave.

My cats play with toys and find stuff. I’ve had cats that would play fetch. I don’t expect it of them. I know how to respect a creature for what it is, its own unique personality. Dog owners train dogs with stupid and useless tasks. Cats don’t need that. They’re fine the way they are, unlike a dog, which is too stupid to have its own personality.

Outdoor cats THAT ARE TREATED WITH DIGNITY FOR WHO THEY ARE come back and don’t need a pen or a chain to keep them with you–or from mauling or murdering your neighbors.

Dogs scratch and bite, to the point of murder. How many cats have killed people compared to dogs? Come on. Name the stats, if you dare.

Cats also keep mice and other vermin away. I had a cat who, without claws, would kill the usual mice, along with rabbits, snakes, possums, bats, lizards, insects and any bird stupid enough to land in our yard. And decapitate them, to make sure they stayed dead. The owls and eagles got one look at her in action, and stayed on the roof or in the trees.

Dogs will ignore all of those, unless taught to hunt. No cat will ignore a mouse, unless their owners raise them from a young age with pet vermin.

Dogs are also scavengers. They eat dead things that have turned rancid, roll around in it like it’s some kind of perfume, and bring that crap home. Cats are too smart to let themselves be detectable by a disgusting smell like that. Why do you think cats clean themselves so much? And when did dogs ever bathe themselves to get rid of their filth and stench?

I was forced to endure dogs for as long as I was unlucky enough to live with my grandparents mother. Their houses stank to the high heavens, all the time, from their filthy, scumbag vermin pets. The vermin were stupid, slobbering, biting, and smelly shit and piss machines. Cats at least have the decency to use a form of a toilet and bury their business to reduce the smell, not leave it for people to step in and choke from the fumes on.

Dogs that come in my yard that I catch are shot. Dogs that bark, I track down and report their owners. When I find dog shit in my yard, I wait for the vermin owners who don’t know how to respect other people’s property to strike again–and they always do. When I find them letting their dogs shit on anyone’s property and walking away without picking it up (and so many of them are lazy this way), I follow them home, and then report them to the police for not cleaning up after their dogs. I’m a housewife. I have the kind of time to notice what goes on in my neighborhood, and I’ll wait for filth to show up again. I also hate dogs enough to make their owners pay for willingly owning vermin, and not keeping their filth to themselves.

Aquaria April 2, 2012 at 7:08 am

::: think at least 90% of people who have them shouldn’t:::

This is 99% of the problem. Most dog owners are incredibly stupid. They don’t know why they have dogs. They don’t know how to control them. They don’t know the animal at all, and there are some very specific things that an owner must know about dogs in general, and about the specific breeds, to get the right dog for what they’re needing or wanting–and what the dog can handle.

Most people buy based on how cute they think the dog is, and that’s just about the stupidest reason to go by. Chihuahuas are sort of cute, but they have two personalities: Swagger and kick-ass attitude, or nervous and neurotic. Both personalities manifest as feisty temperaments, and they don’t care if they piss people off. If you’re the kind of person who likes to please people and gets upset if other people are upset, the Chihuahua is the last dog you need.

But a lot of people think that a little dog will be sweet-tempered all the time. And then when they get the dog and it’s snarling at them and everyone else when it’s in a mood for it, they don’t know what to do with the beast, and the Chihuahua becomes impossible to deal with–for the owner and everyone else.

Everyone who wants a dog should at least go to one of the dog sites, and pick out the kind of personality/traits they want from a dog. That matters far more than their looks, and only slightly less than their size. So if you’re wanting a smart and energetic dog, the spaniels might be right for you, but if you don’t mind a dog who likes his down time but has some special health needs to tend to, a bulldog might be more your speed.

And then all of you people who pick the right dog need to go to obedience schools, or learn how to train your damn dogs. I don’t even like dogs, but I understand that you can’t just bring them home with you and invest nothing in them but food and water and some occasional pats on the head. You have to know why your breed does what it does, and what training methods will work best for it. You also can’t force it into a peg it will never fit in.

For instance, it would be utter cruelty to keep a Border Collie or Australian Shepherd cooped up or chained up all the time. They were bred to be outdoors and running a lot–how cruel to keep them from doing it! And then people wonder why their dogs misbehave and get neurotic or destructive? They’re bored and edgy from not being able to burn off any energy like their DNA is screaming at them to do!

Why do you even have the dog, if you’re too busy to be the owner it needs to have?

Aquaria April 2, 2012 at 7:14 am

If you support our right to our opinion, then why did you come on to insult us by saying that our barking, biting, murdering dog neighbors are better neighbors than we are? Do you think we’re low enough to do those things, too?

Aquaria April 2, 2012 at 7:19 am

To be fair to dogs, they do have a purpose sometimes. My grandfather used them for hunting and general security back before there were alarm systems. Dogs are just about required if you have a large herd of sheep.

On a ranch, dogs doing those things served a useful function.

However, my grandfather and other ranchers who had dogs for those purposes never thought of them as “pets”, like my grandmother did her dogs and cats. They were there to work, like his horses, which he could ride to check out different parts of the ranch that his truck couldn’t get to, or plow a plot that it wasn’t worth firing up the tractor for.

Dimitrios April 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

You make good points, Aquaria. If anywhere, dogs belong on ranches, part of a working ranch landscape, along with cattle and horses. Those dogs don’t need to be leashed up and taken for poop and pee walks around the neighborhood, or to a dog park or a dog day care.

Roses April 4, 2012 at 9:36 am

Thanks Aquaria for being a new friend on our site!

Roses April 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

I feel that anyone who has a dog, should own a vehicle. A dog should never be brought onto public transport or walk on common sidewalks.

So if someone has to take a dog to a dog-oriented park, by all means they can do so – provided the transportation both ways of the dog is in their private vehicle. I would still feel that having a dog would be an incredible waste of money and time for society and the individual, and I would still feel I am missing out on friendships with dog owners, but at least their decisions wouldn’t affect my right to enjoy peaceful and clean public property.

Roses April 4, 2012 at 9:44 am

Not only do you need to have time for a dog, you need to have the kind of outdoors property needed for a dog. Guests on a short-term basis should not be subject to a dog in anyway, unless the dog owner wants to get out of the loop of socializing with dog haters in private homes.

James April 16, 2012 at 2:29 am

Maybe you could help establish a Dog DNA Database as part of your crusade against dog shit. Collect signatures for a referendum(direct vote by voters for a law, on Election Day)to put the DNA of all mutts in the state on file. This would make it possible to match a sample of dog shit with the mutt whose filthy, lazy, inconsiderate, antisocial owner left it there. Then they can be heavily fined, and made to do community service-cleaning up dogshit, and collecting samples for identification. A Dog DNA Database would also allow identification of biting dogs.

James April 16, 2012 at 2:31 am

Celts believed you could be re-incarnated as a tree. Many trees in Brooklyn are drenched in dog piss every day.

James April 16, 2012 at 2:44 am

Turkeys can reproduce any more; artificial insemination is needed.”Human ideas of cleanliness”? Visit Brooklyn. On the streets you find all kinds of garbage: cigarette butts, liquor bottles, food, paper, etc. Of course, if any of these filthy Brooklyn slobs owns a dog or two(or even three) you must expect to find their filth on the streets, along with their dirty human’s garbage.

James April 16, 2012 at 2:49 am

Many dogs are owned by dirty, savage, uncivilized, unsocialized, underclass bums who were never taught by their parents, or anyone else, how to behave in a civilized, sanitary way. Since these bums are such undesirable neighbors; one must expect their dogs to lack any kind of training that would make them suitable to live with people.

willko May 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I’m not a “cat-lover” though I have one, strictly a mouser. She works for the household, does her job and gets petted when she feels like it. I have a more benevolent attitude toward working dogs, too. Usually ranch dogs, they don’t need constant stroking all the time, not nearly as neurotic as their urban inbred half-wit cousins. That last comment goes for the owners as well……
I love wild animals, even black-widows which we have in fair abundance. I leave ’em alone as long as they’re not near the house.

Pete May 11, 2012 at 6:43 am

They say that a good way to meet someone is to go out walking a dog. When I see a woman do that, I just look the other way. That four-legged, fur rug with teeth is one huge pile of reasons not to get involved. A guy could never measure up to her ever-faithful com-panion. Personally, I don’t ever want my life to center around when a dog’s next dump is going to come out.

Earl July 2, 2012 at 5:57 am

ROTLMMFAO!!!

sometimes I walk my roommate’s dog, because he only walks it once a week and I want to tire it out so it will behave better and leave me alone (the walk is also a reward if it leaves me alone for a long enough time to get my work done). Anyway the dog does not get a walk unless it shits in the yard first. I hate the filthy beast and can’t see why somebody would voluntarily want to subject themselves to a generation of picking up stinking shit and the racket that they create.

Maxis July 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Your only saying the bad things about dogs they can be nice and loving animals if there not abused by people like you and the people wanting to be dogs thing, certain people want to be animals and they cant help it and to answer your question yes i would like to become one.

James July 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

The hell with “the Americanized PETA presence there”. The leaders should ignore these assholes, and defend the populatiion from rabies, from being killed or maimed, and shoot, trap, and/or poison them. Let them set an example for our spineless, ignorant, anti-human politicians

James July 31, 2012 at 1:57 pm

A woman woke up to find her dog chewing on her nose. She probably pampered the lousy animal. Many breeds: pitbulls, rottweilers, chihuahuas, etc. are prone to biting. No matter how well they nare treated. They are animals!

Maxis August 13, 2012 at 6:56 am

I said they are animals but they arent all bad and they bite people because its in they’re instincts.

James September 1, 2012 at 3:51 pm

That yard must be beautiful. I presume the dog pisses in the yard, too. How is the grass growing, drenched in piss every day?

James September 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Certain people can’t help wanting to be animals? You would like to become an animal? Why? Has this to do with a belief in reincarnation? According to what I’ve seen on television programs abolut religions that believe in eincarnation, being reincarated as an animal is punishment for living a bad life. Progress in the reincarnation business means, not coming back as an animal, but as a human being, and graduallly working your way up, to the point where you don’t have to be reincarnated. But reach a state of Nirvana, a state of peace, unconsciousness, non-existence, or something. Reincarnation as an animal is not viewed as a good thing.

James November 8, 2012 at 6:59 pm

A muttkeeper’s life could end because of their mutt’s elimination schedule. A young couple’s life tragically ended in Brooklyn, during hurricane Sandy, a few days ago. When their dog was dumping, a tree fell on them, killing both. The mutt survived.

naty November 11, 2012 at 10:33 am

why the hell are you on this site if you love dogs?….go kiss ur dogs ass doggy faker @ihatecats

naty November 11, 2012 at 10:41 am

have you watched ”the dog’s whisperer ” show by cesar milan?now there you can find and see some complete retardet handiccaped dog owners who dont know what to do with their shithounds…i saw many dogs actually bit their owners i was like wtf

naty November 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

shoot yourself!doggie faker….sorry but i look at all these dogs lovers like they are zoophiles…i bet u are one

naty November 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

sorry but i think you are too stupid and retardet to even exist..are you real?

James November 11, 2012 at 11:59 pm

So you admit “they bite people because its(it’s) in they’re(their) instincts.” That’s what this website has been saying for years! The concept of being good, or bad, does not apply to animals. Being nonrational creatures; morality does not apply to them. The question is, do they-dogs-by instinct, pose a significant threat to humans, by biting? Do many dogs, do many breeds, have a tendency to bite that can’t be significantly affected by training? Do many supposedly well-behaved dogs bite without warning? Why do they bite? You, yourself, in your August 13 entry said, “they bite people because its in they’re instincts.”

James November 18, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Dogs aren”t neighbors. Neighbors are human beings who live neat you. Dogs are animals that are owned by people.

James April 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm

“too stupid to even exist”? Political leaders are often extremely stupid, stupidier than irresponsible dog owners; yet they, and their political parties, ideologies, continue to exist. In my 61 years on this earth, mostly in Brooklyn, I’ve seen plenty of stupid behavior, by stupid people, who somehow mannage to continue to exist for years, and act stupid. No laws of nature, or society, necessarily weed out these stupid people. “are you real?” A French philosopher, Descartes, was trying to come up with some philosophical, logical proof that he existed. He realized that he was thinking. And realized “Cogito ergo sum”; Latin(language used by theologians, scientists, and other intellectuals in Europe)for”I think,therefore I am”. If Descartes was wondering whether or not dog feces existed, he might reason and deduce, “It stinks, therefore it is”.

Poolman July 24, 2015 at 8:29 am

Oh my God!!! I love this site, and I absolutely couldn’t agree with you more!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dogs are nothing but noisy, smelly, stupid, SHIT FACTORIES!!!!!!!!!! My favorite fantasy involves the original Planet of the Apes movies. In the first one, or maybe the second one, they explain why apes came into peoples homes in the first place. It was because there was a worldwide epidemic with dogs and cats (I happen to somewhat like cats, at least they have a mind of their own) that forced the destruction of all dogs worldwide. (GREAT IDEA!!!) My fantasy is, kill ALL dogs worldwide, then put them ALL in a huge pile. Then I would like to go up in a helicopter and piss on all of their rotting corpses!!!!!!!!! Can you tell that I HATE FRIGGIN DOGS???????????

dogsfromhell July 24, 2015 at 2:57 pm

Welcome! Yes most of us have therapeutic fantasies about the destruction of all dogs too. lol. We of course do not typically act upon this violence except in self defense. We leave abusing, torturing, starving, neglecting and killing of dogs to dog owners. They have a well documentation history of performing these duties very well as they tend to be prone to violence much like their beasts.

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