No, your dog does not warrant a book.

“Boo”, dubbed the world’s cutest dog, has its own book, a waste of trees consisting of full page photos showing the dorky looking dog, a mutated pomeranian with bear-like ears, posing in sappy scenes. It’s hard not to notice the glut of dog photo books, dog care books and dog memoirs. The memoirs have become a publishing fad, with every Tom Dick and Harry thinking their dog is the bestest dog in the whole wide world, warranting a full blown tribute tome.

Ever since the mega-lame Marley and Me became a best
seller, dog books have been breeding out of control. Most of them feature a big photo of the dog’s head on the cover, with the name of the animal in the title, paired with a barf-inducing subtitle crediting the dog with teaching the author how to love, live, be a parent, deal with depression, or even ponder the universe itself. The authors learn all this from watching their mutt sniff rears, chew up sticks, and scarf down turds? At least two authors apparently learned the Meaning of Life from walking their dog, while several women authors describe their near-romantic relationships with dogs, prefering in theory to marry or date their dog rather than men. I’ve read quite a few dog memoirs, just for the barf-factor, and enjoy skipping to the end for the best part: when the dog dies. Rescuing Sprite, Walking Ollie, Merle’s Door, Huck, Wally, George….all blend together into a nauseating mix of dog worship crap, all spouting the same nonsense about dogs “being there for you”, “loving unconditionally”, “serving as a substitute child”, “more spiritually aware than humans”, blah blah blah.

And then there are the dog care books. Dozens of new ones published every week it seems. How much more can be written about housebreaking a puppy, or feeding old dogs?

However,there is a dog book that needs to be written. One that is anti-dog. The Truth About Dogs is as close as the idea gets, but the author claims to love dogs, so obviously the book doesn’t go far enough. No, it must be so thoroughly dog hating in tone, it will leave no doubt about why these coddled neurotic wolves don’t belong in society, let alone pampered and worshiped.

52 thoughts on “No, your dog does not warrant a book.

  1. LOL or zombie dog owners and print the multitude of photos one could take just walking the streets from 4pm to 6pm of people walking 20 feet behind their filthy mutts carrying bags of shit. It’s insane… just hoards of dog zombies…

  2. Just found this site by typing in “I hate dogs” in Google. I’m a closeted dog hater. Actually, I think I despise the owners the most. It’s because of them and their narcissistic vanity that these smelly creatures are everywhere! Dog owners are disrespectful, egotistical little dictators. They don’t have to work on themselves, because they’ve bought a groveling little thing that helps them fool themselves into believing they are worthy of love just the way they are. They’re not.

  3. Mirina, that’s the truth alright! They get such an attitude. Even their dogs seem to strut around with a smug entitled look.

  4. How about photos of slobs leaving it on the damn sidewalk? Many sneak out late to leave a midnight snack for the flies.

  5. Dog are awesome. You are not. You have 5 pictures of dogs and the first ones funny. The rest are messed up and not true examples of real dogs. And those are only 5dogs out of the millions in this world. have a nice day 🙂

  6. Dogs are the opposite of awesome. Dogs are pathetic, poop-loving, subservient brown nosers at best, and dangerous biters at worst.

  7. There’s a new dog memoir book out, by the editor of the New York Times (what is it about journalists wanting to pen books about their dog?) called The Puppy Diaries. The author, who has two adult children, writes, “I had forgotten how much having a new puppy is like having a new baby.” WTF!!

  8. Insanely funny original post! I agree with every word. And I must add, when I log into Facebook I am not interested in seeing photo albums of your dogs! How many photos can you upload of the same furry creature (I’ve seen people upload albums with 50 pictures of just their dog, dog’s kennel..)? For some people, an update on their life on Facebook involves their dogs and dogs’ pictures to a huge extent.

  9. Most dogs are disgusting and gross, sorry to say..not just 5 dogs but every dog that licks its privates. And since dogs can’t be bathed often and dog health care bills are care is probably not a priority for dog owners, who delude themselves that their dog is somehow healthy and their mouth “cleaner than humans”.

  10. When a newspaper is used to clean up mutt shit, it obviously can’t be recycled. How’s that for a waste of trees. It must go into a landfill. At public expense. or be incinerated. Recycling paper not only saves trees and paper. It also saves energy. Less money for imported oil. Affluence, not poverty, breeds terrorism. Terrorism is the fury and bloodlust of the educated and overprivileged. Less mutts. Less shity newspapers in the incinerator or landfill. More recycling of paper. More energy, and money , saved. Less money in the bank accounts of Wahabbii Saudis.

  11. People in my community take their “dogs for a walk” after dark. No flash light. Just let them do whatever they do wherever they want.
    I have a vision of a human brigade doing the same thing. How sickening would that be. Don’t ask!

  12. Roses has it right…

    Just “STFU” about your damn dog, I don’t want to see it, smell it, hear about it or see photos…I’m not interested so don’t talk about it again, OK?…

  13. The Rest of the Story: Although it has only been about three weeks since Dyer was bitten on the face by Max, the 85-pound Argentine mastiff dog, it has been a long journey back for Dyer who has had two reconstructive surgeries, a skin graft, 90 stitches and nearly two weeks with her mouth sewn shut, The Denver Post reported.
    It’s a serious accident that has changed the course of her life and career. Dyer’s injury may never fully heal. She told 9News last week that it could be “six months, or never” to get the feeling back. And she has not made any immediate decisions on when she will return to to the air, but she says she will return.

    “This has been such a really positive experience for me. Just the way people have made me feel so loved, I know everything will be okay and I’ll be back,” Dyer said during an at-home segment of her “Today” show interview.

  14. The damn dog caused all that damage with just a split second bite. Only a dog cultist could twist it into a positive experience. I guess she’s glad the dog bit her. Gee, I hope I also get bitten on the face by a dog.

  15. On the dog book front, “Uggie” the dog which “stole the show” in the Oscar-winning film The Artist, is getting a book deal. The fad within a fad now seems to be dog memoir books being written before the dog dies. There’s also a book out on the world’s largest dog, Giant George, currently alive and well. Several other dog books have been published after the dog turned one year old. These “my dog’s first year” books are the lamest of them all.

    There goes the highlight of this genre, flipping to the end to see how the dog died.

  16. If copies of these stupid books survive into the future, archeologists and historians will know that Americans, faced with their decaying civilization under attack from outside and inside, wasted their time reading about pointless shithounds. Many are functionally illiterate; which is discouraging. But when those that can read, read about stupid, pointless animals that serve no useful purpose, only foul the environment and waste resouces and money, that is not a hopeful sign for this country. Preoccupation with worthless animals, when your civilization’s survival is in inquestion, means people can’t, or won’t, figure out what is really important.

  17. James: “The dumbing down of America.” College has become so expensive many families cannot afford it (maybe too many kids?)
    But, survival is at issue here. Some people can READ, but just can’t comprehend. Shithounds be gone!!!!

  18. What’s so awesome about trees dying from being peed on by dogs? About flocks of filthy flies feasting on Fido’s foul, infected feces? About their shit on the beach? On your feet? On a new pair of shoes? About people being killed, or maimed, by pitbulls, Rottweilers, German shepherds? About rabies? About coming home to an apartment, or house, with canine shit, piss, or, if you’re lucky, diarrhea all over it? About your stupid mutt chewing up your clothes, shoes, wires? Destroying your flower, or vegetable garden? About your mutt, without any warning, attacking, perhaps fatally, you, a relative, or a friend? About going to civil court to be sued for your mutts’ atrocities? About going to bankruptcy court? And, even after going bankrupt, being still legally required to continue to pay for the fatlities, or injuries, your lousy animal committed? About going to jail for negligent homicide? About getting out of jail, and still being required to pay for what your lousy animal did? About having your elderly mother knocked down by a mutt, and going to the hospital with a broken hip? About having some useless animal barking all night, when you have to get up for work the next day?

  19. That puppy will never be toilet trained. for the rest of its’ useless existence, you can pick up its’ crap.

  20. College is part of the problem. The students minds are ruined by ignorant, rotten, pseudointellectual professors. Many professors, however, delegate actual teaching to grad students. Many families fail to produce enough kids to continue the society. Many have mutts instead. Many families are having trouble affording anything. What people read, whether they comprehend it or not, is “politically correct”, liberal, or phony conservative misinformation, distorted history, incorrect facts. Basically, plenty of garbage, crap, bullshit.

  21. And, of course, if you have a bitch (great term that!), then you can look forward to having bare patches on your lawn. For those not in the know, bitches’ urine kills grass. Our neighbours (who have a bitch) have had their back lawn re-turfed three times in the last seven or eight years.

  22. I’m quite worried about what she might have done with the baby! Did she stick it out on the lawn instead of using nappies, or on a daintily-named ‘puppy training mat’?

  23. You should have seen the Daily Mail’s website on this story, which had obviously come to the attention of the dog-owning brigade via a social networking site. THEY blamed HER because she ‘didn’t read the dog’s behaviour’! It was all HER fault!

  24. About how much did that cost them? I wonder what their I.Q. levels are? Is the bitch spayed? if not, they will be faced with problem of giving the lousy little sons of a bitch, and/or bitches, away. Or having them put to sleep, or just throwing them somewhere. What’s the sense of having a lawn? How can they enjoy it? I’m sure the bitch shits too.

  25. If doggy pictures constitute such a large, out of reasonable proportion part of “an update on their life”, then that certainly suggests something, or somethings, may be lacking in their lives.

  26. People in the shitlands of Brooklyn “walk” their dog(s) day and night. Muttkeepers, like non-muttkeepers, live on different schedules. After dark, unless the street is well lit, you have to keep a careful eye on the dark street.

  27. It’s the role of the dog to adjust its’ behavior to the requirements of human society. As a condition of its’ survival. Which, in most cases, is neither necessary, beneficial, or desirable.

  28. “dog memoir books” should report the total cost of the filthy, useless creature every year. Starting with the purchase cost of the lousy son of a bitch/bitch; concluding with the cost of disposing of its’ carcass; or, the amount of cash wasted on a butial, casket, and other silly, empty-minded bullshit!

  29. Instead of having a urinating bitch in their yard, or a lawn, why don’t they reduce their grocery bills by growing someting to eat in their yard? What section of this great country do they live in? What type of soil, how long a growing season, do they have? Of course, they would have to do something about the liquid damage from their lousy, no good bitch, before they can plant anything. There would probably some pathogens(disease causing germs and viruses) in the soil from the bitch’s feces.

  30. Warrant a book? Most mutts don’t warrant being alive! Let’s start closing down these “puppy farms”. Use the environmental pollution laws. These “farms” not only pollute the environment; they pollute American society and culture with millions of useless, harmful, dangerous, filthy creatures. These “farms” could, and should, be put to productive use.

  31. “prefering in theory to marry or date their dog”? There is a “Family Guy’ episode where Brian, the talking dog, goes to the home of a young woman he met. When he finds out she went out with someone else, he asks her 50 year old mother out. He even proposes to her, and she accepts! Meg Griffin, the miserable, picked on , friendless daughter, developed an obsessive crush on him. There’s also an episode where he tries to rape the mother, Lois Griffin. Plus numerous episodes in which he dates other young women. I wonder what’s going on in the minds of the writers of these episodes. How emotionally attached are they to their pet mutts?

  32. Boo isn’t the cutest dog in the world. Not even close.

    It’s true; the “this pet changed my life” shelf is far more full of dogs than anything else. I think it’s silly, and unnecessary, and in a way exploitative. Writing a book about your dog brings in so much money that it just kind of feels like the authors are getting in your face rather than genuinely loving and appreciating their pets. Can’t deny I’m sappy but I am more encouraging of books that talk about the overshadowed pets like parrots and horses.

  33. Even though it’s raining in the shitlands of Brooklyn, there is still residue of dog feces on the sidewalks. Even when someone performs the wonderful miracle of cleaning up after their mutt; there will still remain some residue. Even in rainy weather. Therefore, it must be required that mutts go in the gutter; not on the sidewalk. It would be a good idea if dog owners were required, after cleaning up the feces, to pour some disinfectant on the feces residue, and urine, that will inevitably remain. It also makes a great deal,of sense to limit dog ownership to only one, especially in urban and surburban areas.

  34. Being of Irish descent, i have noticed that many Irish-Americans love dogs more than their own family members. One of my brothers once owned 3 dogs. He’s down to 2 now. If there are any Irish-Americans in your area, have you noticed whether they are fond of dogs? And go in for multi-dog ownership? I’m sure this is a deep rooted part of Irish-American culture.

  35. Well, I guess a pet can change your life, but so can a broken leg or a tumor. No need to write a book about it.

  36. As for the OP saying Stephen Budiansky’s book isn’t good enough…I actually quite enjoyed The Truth About Dogs. There are some parts I find hard to accept, as I am a dog fan, but it was nice to see a dog lover take a biological and scientific approach to the canine fad. People acting high-and-mighty about dogs get on my nerves, especially because they often disregard other animals simply because they have not been as helpful. Budiansky’s book actually encouraged me to be more assertive with dogs, so they know I am the alpha and therefore it’s best to follow me instead of the other way around. People not disciplining or training their dogs well constitutes to the issue of dogs hurting others and being bothersome. It’s why so many toy breeds are nasty–they’re small so the owners don’t think it’s necessary to train them. What they don’t realize is that it hurts the image of the toy group in general. In fact, the only dog I’ve ever been attacked by was a chihuahua. lol.

    For toy breeds I like Cavalier King Charles spaniels and papillons. After that it depends on the dog.

  37. I bet trees are embarrased that their families have been murdered for things as useless as this. 🙂

  38. Parrots aren’t overshadowed! My grandparents are parrot breeders, and they are constantly telling me about how they managed to sell this one bird, or how they just got a __________ bird from _____________ to breed with their _______________________. A bit annoying, and the birds squawk all the time, but I would take a parrot over a dog any day.

  39. Oh. Well, they’re not as popular and commercialized as dogs and cats. Sorry your relatives are getting annoying. And yes, I like birds but I cannot stand their squawking.

  40. REALLY??!?!? Somebody wrote a book about their stupid dog?
    When will people realize that nobody cares about your stupid dog?!?!? 🙁

    And,in my opinion, Boo isn’t even cute, he’s just creepy!

  41. I know. Poor trees have of be murdered for a stupid book about a creepy looking dog!

  42. Books are lame. We’re doing a full blown documentary.

  43. Oh man this cracked me up “The authors learn all this from watching their mutt sniff rears, chew up sticks, and scarf down turds?”.

    I agree %110 with you, I hate dogs, I just found it so hilarious because it’s true.

    Unfortunately there are just far too many groups of people who have been fed the complete and total dogshit, that dogs are man’s best friend for this and that reason. That if a book as truthful. and life-changing with a plot base of ‘anti-dog’ be published, the book would get so much hate, and probably even receive less than 1 star by dog loving critiques, despite the book being extremely close to any other best seller, except ACTUALLY teach children, and adults alike the truth about our not-so likeable, disgusting ‘best friends’.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *