Pet industry EXPOSED!

The pet industry itself confirms what we’ve all suspected. I got ahold of the trade magazine Pet Product News International, and there it was on page 4: “With marketers and retailers having worked long and hard to elevate pets to child-like status in order to help justify the sale of higer-priced products….”

There it is. A lie repeated often enough becomes the truth. The propaganda spewed by the pet industry has succeeded in turning otherwise sane people into besotted “pet parents” who feel guilty if their dog doesn’t have the latest fashions, the brightest teeth, the coziest bed, the best food and medicine, or the most sturdy baby
stroller. Dogs are the biggest money maker for pet retailers, so naturally dogs are the species most often elevated to child status by marketers. Society has fallen for this scam hook line and sinker! Not only have people been duped by the pack instincts of the domesticated wolf, but they’ve also been duped by pet industry propaganda. Double duped.

Would they want to be a dog?

One of the things that infuriates me about dogs is how much they are loved by others. There are a few other animals I loath, black widow spiders, for one, but have no inclination to seek “I hate black widow spider” sites. It’s the mindless ignorant fawning over dogs by their fans that adds fuel to my dog hate fire. “Yes, four legs are better than two.” “Anyone who really wants to live the good life these days has to grow a tail.” “My favorite child has four legs and fur”. “We can learn a lot from dogs”. “Dogs are smarter than most people.” “Dogs are angels sent from Heaven.” “Dogs give uncondtional love”. I just want to scream at these fools, “How can you read all that stuff into a butt-snffing, turd-eating, walnut brained, clueless, amoral, biting, barking, instinct driven pack animal, you self-flattering, delusional dog cultist??!

As I calm down, another approach might be better. A bluff call. If these people admire dogs so damn much, if they are envious of its wagging tail, its live for the moment mentality, its furry body, its “forgiving” and “loyal” nature, would they want to BE a dog? Would they want to sprout a tail, walk on all fours, have their cranium shrink, their tongue loll, their expression become dorky and glazed, their muzzle slobbering over anyone who balances a biscuit on their nose? Would they enjoy being neutered, leashed, goo-talked, and groped by every stranger that sees them? Would they like to stick their nose into every butt they encounter, and pee and poop in public? Would dying of old age at around 14 appeal to them? What about being illiterate and speechless? Next time a dog lover raves about dogs, ask them if they would like to become one. They can convert to Hinduism and pray they get reincarnated as a dog.

Subaru thinks dogs are people, too.

Automobile company Subaru is running a TV commerical promoting not only its cars, but also five different charities. One of the charities is animal related, and one of the actors in the ad is wearing a T-shirt which states “Dogs are people too”. For a major company to be endorsing this level of delusion, well it’s beyond the pale. Dogs are people too? Really? Do dogs buy Subarus? Do dogs donate to charities? Do dogs read or write or vote or invest or pay taxes or make any decisions whatsoever which affect the direction of a society? Have dogs created civilizations? Honestly, how high on dog farts does a person (or company) have to be in order to confuse dogs with human beings? A Google search of the phrase “dogs are people too” turns up delusions galore. Using this “logic”, are oranges apples too? Are giraffes lemmings too? Are pigeons gorillas too? Of all the stupid things that froth from the mouths of dog worshipers, “dogs are people too” is the most insane. These fools can’t seem to make up their mind. Sometimes they claim dogs are better than people, other times they say dogs ARE people. Never do they say dogs are less than people. Never.

No, your dog does not warrant a book.

“Boo”, dubbed the world’s cutest dog, has its own book, a waste of trees consisting of full page photos showing the dorky looking dog, a mutated pomeranian with bear-like ears, posing in sappy scenes. It’s hard not to notice the glut of dog photo books, dog care books and dog memoirs. The memoirs have become a publishing fad, with every Tom Dick and Harry thinking their dog is the bestest dog in the whole wide world, warranting a full blown tribute tome.

Ever since the mega-lame Marley and Me became a best
seller, dog books have been breeding out of control. Most of them feature a big photo of the dog’s head on the cover, with the name of the animal in the title, paired with a barf-inducing subtitle crediting the dog with teaching the author how to love, live, be a parent, deal with depression, or even ponder the universe itself. The authors learn all this from watching their mutt sniff rears, chew up sticks, and scarf down turds? At least two authors apparently learned the Meaning of Life from walking their dog, while several women authors describe their near-romantic relationships with dogs, prefering in theory to marry or date their dog rather than men. I’ve read quite a few dog memoirs, just for the barf-factor, and enjoy skipping to the end for the best part: when the dog dies. Rescuing Sprite, Walking Ollie, Merle’s Door, Huck, Wally, George….all blend together into a nauseating mix of dog worship crap, all spouting the same nonsense about dogs “being there for you”, “loving unconditionally”, “serving as a substitute child”, “more spiritually aware than humans”, blah blah blah.

And then there are the dog care books. Dozens of new ones published every week it seems. How much more can be written about housebreaking a puppy, or feeding old dogs?

However,there is a dog book that needs to be written. One that is anti-dog. The Truth About Dogs is as close as the idea gets, but the author claims to love dogs, so obviously the book doesn’t go far enough. No, it must be so thoroughly dog hating in tone, it will leave no doubt about why these coddled neurotic wolves don’t belong in society, let alone pampered and worshiped.

Wildlife isn’t fooled by dogs

While many people are besotted fools for dogs, wildlife and other animals aren’t so easily duped. Dogs are routinely sprayed by skunks, stabbed by porcupines, bitten by rattlesnakes, squeezed by pythons, stomped by moose, pummeled by deer, carried off by eagles, attacked by raccoons, stung by bees, swatted by cats, kicked by horses, butted by goats, gored by wild boar, hissed at by swans, and eaten by alligators and catfish.

Yes, catfish! Giant catfish will scarf down small
dogs. The clueless owner throws a stick into a murky river, their small dog cluelessly swims in after it, and suddenly a huge gaping mouth emerges, and the dog is gone, along with the stick. I read about this hilarious scenario in Ideas and Discoveries, a science magazine. I know as a personal fact about a dog that was carried off by a bird of prey. This is no urban legend: A familty friend was walking her tiny chihuahua in the front yard when a large bird, (eagle or hawk) swooped down and carried it off.

Coyotes will kill dogs of all sizes. One memorable instance involved a dog running off leash ahead of its owner. The dog was equipped with a GPS device attached to the collar, so the owner could keep tabs on it. The whippet-type breed ran out of sight, but no worries, not with the GPS! When the owner caught up to her dog, several coyotes were hunched over its body. Hey, at least the GPS still worked!

Loyal graveyard dog a hoax

You may have heard of Greyfriar’s Bobby, a dog the mutt cultists love trot out to show the u dying loyalty of dogs. “Bobby” was said to have mourned the master’s passing so much, the dog refused to leave the guy’s grave for 15 years. Well, according to Time Magazine online the whole thing was a hoax created to bring publicity and tourist money to this Scottish town. A statue of the dog was erected, and the mutt’s “loyalty” has been gushed about in numerous dog books. Even I fell for it. I figured the dog stuck around the grave due to the owner’s scent. Though there was a dog called Bobby, and the deceased master’s grave, the dog didn’t perform this feat of loyalty and in fact died and was replaced by a similar looking dog to dupe people it was loyal for 15 years.

Dog airlifted out of forest

A dog was airlifted out of the Angeles Forest in California after it became too tired during a hike. The sheriff’s department summoned a helicopter to transport the dog tired mutt to safety. Can you believe this? What a waste of equipment and effort! The stupid dog apparently wasn’t all that tired, for it resisted going in to the helicopter, so it had to be strapped down to a gurney. Oh how funny it would have been if something went wrong and the dog slippped out, plummeting to the ground. No such luck.