Puppy Bowl farce seen as news by NBC Nightly News

NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams teased with a story about a bowl game. No, not THAT bowl game, but rather, the Puppy Bowl, which will air on Animal Planet at the same time as the Super Bowl. Can a contrast in Neilson ratings get any wider? The football game (and all the pricey commercials) will sweep the floor with the damn little
mutts. But for some bizarre reason (oh wait, NBC News is run by dog cultists), Brian Williams decided to plug the 9th annual Puppy Bowl. If you are so motivated, as I was, please e-mail NBC Nightly News, to lament the dumbing down of their program yet again by the most ridiculous dog coverage imaginable. Yesterday they reported on the most popular dog breeds. How is this even close to newsworthy??

The Puppy Bowl was taped five months ago, but most dog nuts will think it’s being aired live, which is why they’ve already been putting in requests to adopt the dogs. They think they’ll be getting the puppy-aged cur as seen on the show, but it’ll be near-adult in reality. Suckers. So much for advice to spay/neuter, when litters of dogs are glorified on the national news.

Also of note is that NBC Nightly News is loathe to report on anything negative about dogs. Packs of dangerous feral dogs are menacing people in Mexico. A pit bill mauls a baby to death. Not newsworthy to NBC. They’d rather report on “murderous” cats that are killing birds.

E-mail: Nightly@nbc.com

Dpethotels. The D is for Dummies

homeless childdog_in_hotel_bedWhat do Hollywood, California, Scottsdale, Arizona, and the Chelsea area of New York City have in common? The residents have more dollars than sense, at least when it comes to dogs, for these are the locations of the three Dpethotels, undoubtedly the most obscenely ridiculous dog pampering facilitiy to ever come down the pike.

The dogs-only “hotel” features high thread count bed linens, massages, body wraps, flat screen cable TV in each suite, chef-prepared meals, and chauffeur service using exotic cars, including a Bentley and Rolls Royce. All for dogs. All this while homeless people shuffle along the sidewalks outside. All this for a butt sniffing scavenger animal. While people in many parts of the world can barely make ends meet, dogs at Dpethotels are having their toenails painted a designer shade of pink. As children are abducted and found days later in pieces (as was the fate of a little girl in Colorado), pampered dogs are presented with Disney cartoons and plastic castle-themed kiddie slides in the 10,000 sq ft dog day care. There is no excuse for this degree of decadence for dogs. None.

And how does the media react to Dpethotels? With glowing, praising coverage. Journalists are all too happy to refer to the out of thei rminds dog owners as “pet parents”, and to gush about “a dog’s life” these days. Reviews on sites such as Yelp couldn’t be more raving. One couple enthused that they coul dhardly wait to pass their bar exam so they can afford to take their furry son there every day of the week.

How did this insanity happen? What would cause people to be so STUPID?? I have a ray of optimism however. You see, by the time a fad or trend has reached such a freakish level of absurdidty, it’s on it’s way out. It’s parodying itself now. The end is near.

Anti-dog books

Yes, there are anti-dog books! I own and have read all of the ones listed below. There may be other such books out there. A couple of these titles are meant pay homage to dogs and are intended for dog lovers, but they make dogs look bad nonetheless.

* Petishism- Pet cults of the Western world Kathleen Szasz

* The Dog Crisis, Iris Nowell (Man’s best friend? Think again.)

* No Dog Signs (photos of “no dogs allowed” signs from around the world)

* Is Pet Ownership Destroying the Lives of Americans? (Focus is on dogs), Carole Wade

* The Truth About Dogs Stephen Budiansky (author is a dog lover, but dog people hate this book)

* No Good Dogs, Ralph Steadman (Crudely drawn dog cartoons)

* Dogs Are Stupid, Bill Buckley (Meant for dog lovers, but dog haters will enjoy this photo book of dogs doing gross and stupid things, accompanied by funny text)

* Fluffy Humpy Poopy Puppy, a ruff dog-eared look at man’s best friend (quirky graphics and text mock dogs)

* The Truth About Dogs, Volker Kriegel (cartoon illustrations of dogs doing disgusting things)

* Animals Behaving Badly, Linda Lombardi (Great chapter on dogs. Written by a dog liker, but she knows the truth.).

Plus one more, whose title I forgot and which I gave away as a gift a few years ago. It’s a photo-shopped humor book showing cats taking sweet sweet revenge out on dogs, via shooting them, electrocuting them, squashing them with a steam roller, etc.!

Hate me, love my dog?

With so many dog fanatics being misanthropes (haters of mankind), why do they love “man’s best friend”? Does it make sense to admire someone who is best friends with whom you hate? “The friend of my enemy is my friend” sure doesn’t make sense to ME. Misanthropic dog lovers should, in theory, DISLIKE an animal which toadies up to humanity.

Another irony: dog lovers constantly rave about how dogs are nonjudgmental, forgiving, loyal, and all that, while in the same breath slam humanity for being self-serving meanies. Well if we’re so rotten, why do dogs like us so much? I guess dogs are pretty darned stupid for wanting to lick our boots. Dogs like us for who we are, but most of their owners certainly don’t.

Of course, we in the know here at whyihatedogs realize what’s behind the dog’s “devotion”. Food. And modified pack instincts funnled via domestication and training. And neutering. And being leashed, fenced, kept indoors, or otherwise restrained to prevent the animal from oh, wandering off to cavort with it’s own kind, perhaps? Nabbed as 8 week old puppies and forced into close proximity with an alien species (us) who provides its only source of food and water, hardwired by selective breeding, and help captive by various obstacles, dogs have a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome. Apparently the irony of all this is lost on dog fans, who insist dogs love mankind unconditionally, even if the owners themselves hate us.

The dog’s nose: so WHAT.

Dog lovers are obsessed with various dog body parts, namely the tail, paws, and nose. Boy do they rave about that nose; no dog book is complete without bowing down at the altar of the canine nose. A dog’s sense of smell is anywhere from 50 to 100,000 times more acute than ours, depending on which expert is consulted. I say, “So what?”

Moths and sharks have a better sense of smell than do dogs; in fact, most of a shark’s brain is devoted to the olfactory center. Sharks are efficient hunters, but not very bright. If a lot of brain space is devoted to sniffing, this doesn’t leave much room for thinking. A dog brain weighs about 3 1/2 ounces, a goodly portion of which is taken over by the olfactory center.

Left to their own devices, what do dogs do with their “better than human” sense of smell? They sniff out urine, poop, garbage, and butts. Only when mankind intervenes is the nose put to useful purposes. These purposes, drug detection, cadaver searches, etc. are mythologized by dog lovers, as if the dog is a super hero with special powers. In reality, the dogs can’t fathom why in the world they are sniffing around airports or rubble piles; to them it’s all just mindless sniffing for the handler’s reward of a treat or chew toy. Nor is the dog nose infallible; cadaver dogs mistake rotting tree stumps for decaying bodies. Certain sniffer dog evidence has been thrown out of court because the claims made about its abilities were just too outlandish.

A dog nose is cold, wet, and bear-like; pretty gross in my opinion. Yet dog fans think it’s cute. They will pay for a 24k gold impression of their dog’s nose print to wear it as jewelry!

A dog’s nose is basically overrated. The vast majority of dog noses aren’t out there looking for missing people or bombs, but rather sticking it in someone’s crotch.