Would they want to be a dog?

One of the things that infuriates me about dogs is how much they are loved by others. There are a few other animals I loath, black widow spiders, for one, but have no inclination to seek “I hate black widow spider” sites. It’s the mindless ignorant fawning over dogs by their fans that adds fuel to my dog hate fire. “Yes, four legs are better than two.” “Anyone who really wants to live the good life these days has to grow a tail.” “My favorite child has four legs and fur”. “We can learn a lot from dogs”. “Dogs are smarter than most people.” “Dogs are angels sent from Heaven.” “Dogs give uncondtional love”. I just want to scream at these fools, “How can you read all that stuff into a butt-snffing, turd-eating, walnut brained, clueless, amoral, biting, barking, instinct driven pack animal, you self-flattering, delusional dog cultist??!

As I calm down, another approach might be better. A bluff call. If these people admire dogs so damn much, if they are envious of its wagging tail, its live for the moment mentality, its furry body, its “forgiving” and “loyal” nature, would they want to BE a dog? Would they want to sprout a tail, walk on all fours, have their cranium shrink, their tongue loll, their expression become dorky and glazed, their muzzle slobbering over anyone who balances a biscuit on their nose? Would they enjoy being neutered, leashed, goo-talked, and groped by every stranger that sees them? Would they like to stick their nose into every butt they encounter, and pee and poop in public? Would dying of old age at around 14 appeal to them? What about being illiterate and speechless? Next time a dog lover raves about dogs, ask them if they would like to become one. They can convert to Hinduism and pray they get reincarnated as a dog.